ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize