Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
