I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Drunk is not a location!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
