When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The adults are the big ones right?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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