watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
