Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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