ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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