What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
