i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
