do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
