You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
