Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
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he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
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You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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