My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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