How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
