We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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