My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
