No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
