Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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