I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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