Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!

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(845): View more from New York

I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.

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(410): View more from Maryland

she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.

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(519): View more from Ontario

Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning

(416): View more from Toronto

Thats for me to know and you to find out.

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(801): View more from Utah

I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me

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(925): View more from California

I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.

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(219): View more from Indiana

Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.

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(954): View more from Florida

tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something

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