We won't sleep together?
In the future we'll all be gay
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
