i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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