I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
