I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
