Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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