trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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