All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
