did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you