I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
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Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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