I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.