You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina