Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
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I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
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This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive