Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
