We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
