he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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