alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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