doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
