I cut my penus on the lid.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
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You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
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judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Who died my cat blue again?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize