Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
