No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
