legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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