U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
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My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
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Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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