one might say we're banned from that church
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
