omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize