so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I still have a little drunk in my system
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
