My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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