I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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