And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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