Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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