My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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