I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
