The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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