Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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