How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
