i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
