while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
