Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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