um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
