whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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