I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
