We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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