Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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