so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
