if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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