Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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