she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
