So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
