my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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