sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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