They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
