Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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