she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
