thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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