i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
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