How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
