we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize