When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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