Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
